The Lost Cases of Ooo/Transcript

¿Qué? The subject of this article has not been officially released in English as of yet. As such, all information in this article is based on fan-contributed translations.

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Lost Cases of Ooo". Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "N/A"

Next: "The Lost Cases of Rhyboflavin"

Translated by Nightfurmoon. Adventure Time script provided by Chimarkie.

Narrator	Congratulations! You have decided to stop being a pathetic nuisance to become a worthy adversary, acquiring Black Hat Organization's villain training. Be prepared to learn what you mustn’t do with… ‘The lost cases of Ooo’
Black Hat	Welcome, filthy vermin of the abyss, dark creatures, despicable beings, INSIGNIFICANT WRETCHED—
	The video cuts to static.
Black Hat	I am Black Hat, but you already know that because you all bought Black Hat Organization’s orientation video for villains, where I make fun of the Forces of Evil’s pathetic embarrassments and you give me your money!
	Today we will analyze one of the most chaotic and infamous villain from the World of Ooo. A soulless and rotten… fruit!? What’s this, a lemon!? What kind of villain is this!? Is this a joke!?
	At least I expected a pineapple, those are evil.
	The Earl of Lemongrab comes in on a lemon horse.
Black Hat	BREAK THAT PIÑATA! I want to see its sweet organs…
	A cinnamon bun falls down, looks up at the Earl of Lemongrab, and laughs nervously.
Black Hat	Euugh, how unpleasant.
Earl of Lemongrab	This castle is in unacceptable condition! UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Black Hat	The unacceptable thing here is your high-pitched voice.
Finn the Human	Yeah, like pranking him up his face!
Princess Bubblegum	Yeah, and I have the perfect prank! Come on, Finn!
	She pulls on Finn's hat. He blushes.
Black Hat	FLUG! Get that out of my sight, why am I seeing signs of affection?!
	Finn and Princess Bubblegum crawl into the Earl of Lemongrab's room, where he is asleep.
Black Hat	This guy is more stupid than I thought, leaving himself totally exposed, without security?! This wouldn’t have happened if he had bought Black Hat Organization’s security system.
Narrator	Which is on sale! Acquire it and nobody will be able to enter your lair, not even you!
	Finn and Princess Bubblegum start preparing their prank. They put earplugs into the Earl's seemingly nonexistent ears.
Black Hat	That thing has ears?
	Black Hat picks his seemingly nonexistent ears. A swarm of bugs come out.
	The Earl's alarm clock is about to ring. As it does, the video is fast-fowarded.
Black Hat	(bored) Yes yes, okay! Proceed!
	The Earl of Lemongrab reads the paper next to his bed.
Earl of Lemongrab	(puts glasses on) You… really… smell… like… dog buns… aaaaAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Black Hat	A paper?! They should’ve squeezed him or something! I’ll give an example. 5.0.5.!
	(static)
Earl of Lemongrab	This is everyone then?
Peppermint Butler	Yes, all the castle staff.
Black Hat	What kind of servants are those?! They’re almost as sweet as 5.0.5.!
Earl of Lemongrab	So, which one of you was it? Who did the thing?
An ice cream person	The thing?
Earl of Lemongrab	(pulls out a note) The thing, the thing!
Peppermint Butler	Hey man, calm down! It’s just a prank man, for laughs!
Earl of Lemongrab	Prank? For laughs? 12 years dungeon. All of you, dungeon, 7 years no trials, come on, let’s move it!
Black Hat	This is ridiculous! What kind of evil monologue is that?! There must be a mistake, there has to be a real villain somewhere!
	(static)
Black Hat	And now, let’s see how the screaming lemon villain faces two pieces of garbage wearing blankets.
	Finn and Princess Bubblegum put sheets over themselves to dress as ghosts. They punch and knock over the Earl of Lemongrab. He starts to cry.
Black Hat	HAHAHAHA! Watch him cry! This moment is worth all my time wasted! It’s the best thing I have seen so far! (video is rewinded) AGAIN! HAHAHAAH! (the video is rewinded again) AGAIN, AGAIN! AGAIN, AGAIN! AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN—
	A creepy photo is Black Hat is shown. He is drooling. In the Portuguese dub, the drool is replaced with blood. A technical difficulties card is shown as well, where Earl is threatening Cam-bot with a fish. (static)
	Technical difficulties, don’t go!
Peppermint Butler	My lord, food comes from—
Earl of Lemongrab	NO! That is why I’m royal and you are serval!
Finn the Human	You ready to pour the stuff?
Princess Bubblegum	Yeah, I made it super-hot this time!
Finn the Human	Wait ‘til he opens the lid.
Peppermint Butler	Behold, a plate of mashed carrots, flav—
	Peppermint Butler screams as hot sauce is accidentally poured into his left eye by Princess Bubblegum. Finn shushes him.
Black Hat	HAHAHA! Poor idiot, hahaha!
Earl of Lemongrab	Stop screaming! Why are you screaming!?
Peppermint Butler	Because I’m excited by this meal I made!
Earl of Lemongrab	Me too, I’m excited too.
	The Earl of Lemongrab eats his spicy food. He vomits it on the Peppermint Butler's face.
Black Hat	(plays with a red skull) I once puked on one of my subordinates' face. (looks towards camera) Now I have Flug.
	The Earl runs and falls out one of the castle's windows.
Black Hat	Beginner's mistake. Your servants should always have the first bite.
	The Earl starts to eat dirt.
Peppermint Butler	He’s eating the dirt! SPICE IT NOW!
Black Hat	How humiliating… The bubblegum girl is the person with more brains in here.
	Flug! Are you sure that the villain is the lemon and not the bubblegum girl?!
Earl of Lemongrab	A-apple!
	Finn, Princess Bubblegum, and Peppermint Butler are on a branch. The Earl jumps up to the tree and falls as he pulls down an apple.
Black Hat	Ahh, fruit cannibalism. Finally, the lemon does something depraved.
	Peppermint Butler falls off the branch and into the Earl's mouth.
Black Hat	Ah! Even better, eating his subordinates…
Earl of Lemongrab	ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!
Black Hat	That’s your verdict?! They only learn their lesson when they see the light at the end of the tunnel!
	That’s right! Back in my day we put the goody two-shoes in front of a train on the move!
Princess Bubblegum	If I turn myself back to my real age, I can reclaim the throne.
Finn the Human	What?! No! I mean, uh.. You can do that?
	Princess Bubblegum nods.
Finn the Human	Then.. Why did you wait so long?
Princess Bubblegum	Because.. Being 13 again is.. blue baloobie!
Black Hat	Clearly this girl has a perturbed mind. I would like to rip it off…
Finn the Human	Princess, I think I can help.
	The other candy people trapped in the dungeon give parts of their body to Finn, who licks them and attaches it to Princess Bubblegum's head.
Black Hat	Out of all the rituals I know, this is one of the most wicked. Using pieces of your acolytes to increase your power is effective. Now, I’ll take off one of Flug’s arms.
Finn the Human	Finished.
Finn and Princess Bubblegum hug and kiss. Princess Bubblegum is an adult again.
Black Hat	BLARGH, they had to ruin it!
	Hah! I heard this heart breaking.
Princess Bubblegum	YO EARL!
Earl of Lemongrab	WHAT?
Princess Bubblegum	HEY, YOU’RE FIRED, YOU BUTT!
Earl of Lemongrab	UGH!
	(static)
Princess Bubblegum	He was the first one of my experiments gone wrong.
	(static)
Black Hat	THAT’S NOT A FAILED EXPERIMENT! I’ll show you what a failed experiment is! (video of 5.0.5. from Phase One plays) You know NOTHING about failures and mistakes! This is truly a disgrace for the Forces—
Princess Bubblegum	bursts in through the door)Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab	I am the earl!
Princess Bubblegum	Yeah?
Earl of Lemongrab	The earl, of NOTHINGGGGG!
Black Hat	I can’t be the only one that thinks that this girl is more diabolic than the lemon. She condemns him to an existence of suffering, giving life to a useless lemon.
Princess Bubblegum	WAIT!
Black Hat	Hahaha! Come on bubblegum girl! Close the door and crush that ugly lemon! Show your wicked thoughts!
Earl of Lemongrab	I am alone… (falls out the window)
Black Hat	If he hadn’t thrown himself off the window, I’d have personally done it!
	The Earl of Lemongrab rips his clothes off.
Black Hat	What kind of diabolical exhibitionism is this?! How vulgar…
Crowd	No, no, we won’t go!
Princess Bubblegum	All I need is 3 healthy volunteers to move in with Lemongrab. He’s all by himself.
Black Hat	The bubblegum girl is giving us a great evil lesson. She pretends to agree with her rival’s terms, but in reality she’s sending him the trash of their society. Excellent.
Jamaica	2 things, princess!
	Yo lemongrease, we’re gonna live here at Lemongrab’s now. I’m Jamaica, and this is Tuffy and Blumbooooo!
Earl of Lemongrab	Blumbo? What is that?
Blumbo	What?
Earl of Lemongrab	On Blumbo’s ears?
Jamaica	That’s his headphones!
Black Hat	A true villain would never denigrate themselves, letting some insolent preteens disrespect them like that!
Tuffy	Settle down, lemongrease!
Earl of Lemongrab	I am not grease! This is UNACCEPTABLE!
Black Hat	Ugh, that scream again. That’s it, fight for you dignity! Or what’s left of it, you imbecilic lemon.
	Jamaica, Tuffy, and Blumbo are sent into a torture room. Finn and Jake try singing to them in the room, as the Earl shuts the door.
Black Hat	Such a plain torture room. There are no chains, spikes, nooses, axes—they could escape in any moment! Where’s the fun in that?! And the suffering…
Earl of Lemongrab	Maybe 10 units for trespassers.
	Finn, Jake, Jamaica, Tuffy, and Blumbo are electrocuted. Jake morphs himself a giant fist and grabs onto a vent above them.
Black Hat	Ahh, music to my ears… The screams of a hero suffering always puts a smile on my face. (Black Hat looks mad while twitching his eye)
Narrator	(nervous laugh)
Princess Bubblegum	Lemongrab, stop! Please, Earl, I can help you
Earl of Lemongrab	NO, NONONONONONO!
Black Hat	Bratty lemon! It’s not your creator’s fault that you’re an incompetent, badly dressed crybaby that only yells intolerable shrieks!
Earl of Lemongrab	You’re poison, poison!
	Finn runs out of the torture room, electrocuting himself, and jumps in front of Princess Bubblegum as the Earl of Lemongrab is shooting her with his sword. He is injured.
Black Hat	The last confrontation. Here is where a villain can retrieve their dignity. And of course, the lemon fails. I told you, they escaped.
Black Hat	Rule 42 of the manual, do not stop attacking until your enemy’s heart stops beating.
	A naked clone of Lemongrab walks in.
Earl of Lemongrab	Two Lemongrabs?
Black Hat	This girl doesn’t learn from her mistakes! Creating the same hideous lemon twice?! This will probably end badly. It’s obvious that they’ll end up eating each other, hahaha…
	The Earl of Lemongrab starts poking his naked clone.
	This irritates my sight! (cutting and static) Where is that bubblegum girl, surely she’s doing something evil! GOOD! Good, cut their legs!
	Enough! I can’t see any more of this.
	Now, I’ll tell you Lemongrab’s mistakes.
	Number 1: He’s a huge piece of… uh…
	Lemon.
	Number 2: He’s a bratty crybaby.
	Number 3: He didn’t hire Black Hat Organization’s service. Clearly there was a mistake here. His creator is the one with a malicious wit, not that silly lemon!
	The Earl of Lemongrab's file is stamped "DEPLORABLE".
Black Hat	What kind of a villain without class have I just witnessed?! There’s only one thing you can do with a villain like this!
	A live-action version of Black Hat juices the Earl of Lemongrab's head. The Earl is screaming.